Remember how it was when you dated? You couldn’t wait to see each other. You made sure your makeup was on and your legs were shaved. You wanted to be beautiful for the one who made your heart pound. You gave him compliments. You couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. You made him feel like he was the most important man in the world; and he was…to you.
“What happened? Why does he no longer hurry in the front door to see you?”
What happened? Why does he no longer hurry in the front door to see you? Why doesn’t your stomach flutter when his car drives up?
I don’t know every answer but I think I know one or two.
“You stopped seeing him as the most valuable person in your life.”
You stopped seeing him as the most valuable person in your life. We pour into and take extreme care of what we value most.
For moms, it’s usually their children, not their husbands. For women without children, it can often be their jobs or their friends.
Many marriages hang on by a thread in misery. Fifty percent (or higher) end in divorce when they can no longer stand the sight of each other.
“People long to be with people who make them feel good about themselves.”
People long to be with people who make them feel good about themselves.
No one wants to look at a long, miserable, and nagging face. Women don’t realize they are doing this. It’s natural to be extra nice when we want people to think well of us. When we are ourselves, the truth comes out.
Let me make a statement. We are what we are at home.
The person we are at work or out with our girlfriends is often totally different than the person we are when we walk through our front door.
“Unless God has helped us to become real, we would be ashamed for people to see who we are in the four walls of our houses.”
Unless God has helped us to become real, we would be ashamed for people to see who we are in the four walls of our houses.
“We can only be fake for so long.”
We can only be fake for so long. Eight hours at work is enough to make most people walk through the front door and spew out what’s been held in all day. When mom walks through the door and dad or the kids ask “what’s for supper?” mom may want to throw a frying pan at them.
I hear people say to me, “The person you see on Sunday morning is not the person I live with.” That used to be me.
God had to do something simple and radical in my soul and it started with this truth; I did not value the man He gave me.
“I felt as if I could put him down and make him feel small so he would rise up and become what I wanted him to be.”
I felt as if I could put him down and make him feel small so he would rise up and become what I wanted him to be. Ladies, no man will ever crawl out from under the pressure we put on them and become a better man. They will drift toward people who make them feel good. Sometimes it will be their buddies and sometimes it will be a woman at work who treats them like you used to. People can get mad at me for saying that but it is human nature whether you are male or female. I just happen to speak into the lives of females more than males.
I decided years ago (more than two decades) to start treating my husband as if he was the most honored guest I could have in our home. I did this as a gift to Jesus Christ and for the sake of my children because I didn’t feel it at all. It was an act of my will, not my feelings.
“It was very hard at first. I had to face the truth that I was much more fun when I was around friends than I was with my family.”
It was very hard at first. I had to face the truth that I was much more fun when I was around friends than I was with my family. I decided I would make an effort to laugh and play with the people I lived with more than people I barely knew.
I started thinking with logic and faith instead of being a victim of my emotions. If I could decide to be in a good mood at church or at work, I could decide to be in a good mood at home. Moods have to be kicked out, they won’t voluntarily leave. A bad mood is usually a reaction to not getting our own way.
“A bad mood is usually a reaction to not getting our own way.”
I started to thank God for disappointments and when I was overlooked. It was helping to kill that self-monster inside of me that wanted her own way along with lots of praise. I wanted her dead so my family could feel God’s Spirit; unhindered. I applied God’s Word to myself as if my life depended on it. When I saw things in the Bible, I would take my prayer journal and say something like, “God do that in me” or, “Please, God that junk is in me, get it out.”
When we read His Words, we see our sick and selfish motives. It’s so much easier to compare ourselves to others than to look at God. The reason it’s hard for us to be with God in the beginning is because His Presence makes us feel bad. Many will give up before getting to the good part. It’s only hard at the beginning. The longer we look into the mirror of God’s Word, the more we change into what He created us to be.
After a while, God’s Word and His glorious presence will become what we love most and where we are most comfortable.
As I soaked myself in God’s Presence, I started to see the true worth of the man I married. Funny how an act of our will despite our feelings, ushers in feelings that we never could have made ourselves have.
“Funny how an act of our will despite our feelings, ushers in feelings that we never could have made ourselves have.”
God says to submit to our husbands. Submission is an act of faith. No woman does this naturally. That simple word changed my world. I started going to my unspiritual husband and letting him make decisions. I didn’t nag him or berate him, I submitted to his authority.
“Submission is nothing more than trusting God.”
Submission is nothing more than trusting God. It has almost nothing to do with our husbands. If God can speak and make a universe, my man is not big enough to ruin my life.
The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD;
he turns it wherever he will.
Proverbs 21:1
I saw him start to become the leader I always wanted him to be. He took more interest in the kids. I didn’t realize how often I treated him like an outsider when it came to our children.
I gave him compliments and told him how much I appreciated his hard work. I looked for positive things about him to think about and talk about.
“Never underestimate the power of your thought life.”
Never underestimate the power of your thought life. When we think about the negatives of our husbands, it will affect everything. When we concentrate on the positives, we feel differently toward them.
God knew what He was talking about when He said:
Finally, brothers (and sisters), whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 4:8
Everyone has both good and bad qualities. In prayer time, I actually started to list my husband’s good qualities and I decided to “think about those things.” I would also point them out to my children.
This was work in the beginning. It was not natural or normal for me and I guarantee it’s not for you either.
The natural declension of marriage is to take each other for granted and give our best to other people.
Many of you will want to laugh at this blog and think that if I knew your husband, I would never have written it.
There are a few things I know about your husband.
- He wants to be wanted.
- He needs to be your hero.
- He desperately needs your affirmation.
- He longs for your affection.
- He wants to know you appreciate him.
- He wants to know you believe in him.
- He wants you to not only love him, but truly like him.
- He wants you to be proud of him.
Little boys grow up, but they forever have a fragile ego.
They may cover it up and act like they don’t care, but they do. They will usually go to any length to not feel inadequate or stupid.
“The damage we do when we don’t give our men the best of us is catastrophic.”
The damage we do when we don’t give our men the best of us is catastrophic. Our children may get used to the bickering, but the disrespect they witness and live in will affect every part of their lives. These children normally grow up to disrespect their parents and the parents have no clue why.
Children carry the atmosphere of their homes everywhere they go. Eventually they will recreate it in their own homes someday.
“To rebuild a devastated house happens one brick at a time.”
To rebuild a devastated house happens one brick at a time. Don’t fret over past failures, start rebuilding today.
When we do real business with God, He will go to any lengths to help us. Don’t treat your husband differently to change him. He may never change and that is a selfish motive.
Treat him the way God says to treat him because God is worthy and trustworthy. Even if your husband doesn’t change, God will start to change you into the image of His Son.
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
Luke 6:35-36
God is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. I want to be like God. The place to start is in the four walls of our homes.
Eventually, hubby will want to hurry home.
