Something happens in almost every marriage a short time after the ceremony. Most women (and men) think, “That’s not the person I thought I was marrying.” He said he was a Christian. Now he doesn’t go to church, much less pick up a Bible. Or better yet, he goes to church and everyone thinks he is wonderful, but they wouldn’t recognize the man you live with the other six days of the week.
What do you do when you find out the person you married is not the same person you dated?
Do you receive a “get out of jail free” card since they lied? What if he drinks too much; watches porn; hangs out with friends more than you; and generally gets on our last nerve? I don’t know about you, but I’m not able to handle a really good husband sometimes, much less one who is a disappointment on every level.
What does God want you to do when your dreams and reality are as far as the east is from the west?
I have good news and bad news. I’ll start with the bad (if this describes your marriage). You entered a covenant when you got married. The covenant of marriage is “til death do you part.”
How to know if you are married to the right person. Short answer: Look at the name on the marriage certificate.
~John Piper
Most people get married and have absolutely no idea their souls (not just their bodies) became “one.” It is a mystery and it’s beyond our ability to comprehend. You can physically end a marriage in divorce but the souls were made one by God.
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Mark 10:8
I have an idea what you may be saying in your mind right now.
- What if I got married knowing I should have asked God but didn’t?
- What if I got married without God’s blessing?
- What if I married the person I was having an affair with?
- I wasn’t a Christian and now I am. My husband hates everything about my new life.
- Am I doomed to walk outside of God’s favor and power because of my marriage?
- Will God help me since I blatantly disobeyed Him and did what I wanted?
- Will God not drop the hammer and give me what I deserve?
- My marriage is obviously my punishment.
Now for the good news! There is a story in the Old Testament about “covenant” that is both mind boggling and encouraging. Remember, God is the same yesterday, today and forever. Anything He has ever done, He can still do. His power is available and God loves to show the world who He is…through us!
I often say if the Bible says to do or not to do something, you don’t need to pray about it; just obey it. God said something specific to His people about what not to do when entering the Promised Land.
…and when the LORD your God gives them over to you, and you defeat them, then you must devote them to complete destruction. You shall make no covenant with them and show no mercy to them.
Deuteronomy 7:2
Joshua had just come off of two victories as he was taking the Promised Land: Jericho and Ai. God had given specific directions and they followed them. The victories were obvious miracles and all the nations around them were terrified.
When God is leading us, it will be undeniable to people.
I’m sure many nations didn’t believe in the God of Moses…until the Red Sea parted. God calls each of us to live in a God-sized way in our little corners of the world. The only ones watching may live in the four walls of our home, but that’s ok. I would prefer my husband and children see God move above anyone else in my circle of influence.
Gibeon was an important city in the Promised Land with a powerful army (Joshua 10:2). They heard about Israel defeating Jericho through a miracle (the walls fell after they marched around seven days in a row; no big deal). They also heard about the battle and defeat of Ai, so they were totally panicked. Therefore, they devised a deceptive plan.
They came to Joshua pretending to be from far away. They brought moldy bread with old wineskins as proof. They said they came to pay respect because they had heard of them and their God. They asked them to make a covenant with them. (Joshua 9:3-6).
So the Israelites examined their food, but they did not consult the LORD.
Joshua 9:14
Joshua used common sense over scripture and prayer. Make no mistake, if we don’t ask God what to do, He will let us move on and do things that will cause us great pain and hardship. God knew the Gibeonites were lying, Joshua did not. God knows everything. That’s exactly why He tells us to pray about everything. I heard a pastor say, “If men would learn to pray instead of think.” The longer I walk with God the more wisdom I see in that statement.
Think about Adam and Eve in the garden. God told them not to eat of the tree and that they would die. He then let them eat of the tree and die a horrible spiritual death and eventual physical death. God tells us the truth. If we ignore Him, He will let us. Love never forces.
Joshua made that covenant and three days later found out the truth. All of Israel wanted to kill them. They thought deceit was a reason to break their covenant. The leaders said, “We have given our oath by the LORD God of Israel, and we cannot touch them now.” (Joshua 9:19).
Ladies, that’s our answer if you are in a marriage where you know you were deceived. You are not to leave it. You are to stay, keep your vows, and let God Almighty show your man exactly who He is. Your deceitful man will get to reap unbelievable benefits because he is in covenant with a woman who is in covenant with the God of heaven.
Example in the story of Joshua: The king of Jerusalem heard the Gibeonites made a covenant with Israel. He got four other kings to engage Gibeon in battle (ultimately to destroy their real threat…Israel). Gibeon called on Israel and they had to respond because of the covenant.
When we enter a covenant we promise to fight battles for the one with which we are joined.
Who they are does not matter. Our covenant keeping is what matters to God. Israel responded and God said something CRAZY!
The LORD said to Joshua, “Do not be afraid of them; I have given them into your hand. Not one of them will be able to withstand you.”
Joshua 10:8
What?! God didn’t say, “You got yourself into this, you get yourself out of this!” No, He did not. God did a miracle beyond our comprehension for Israel and the Gibeonites. When the covenant was made, although outside of God’s will, God gave the Gibeonites the same protection He gave His own people.
That’s what God would do in our homes if we would quit fighting against our disappointing man and let God come in and bless him in ways that would blow him (and us) away.
The battle was fought and God threw the enemy into confusion.
As they fled, God hurled large hailstones down on them. Then Joshua said to the Lord in the presence of all Israel, “Sun stand still….”
The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the LORD listened to a human being. Surely the LORD was fighting for Israel!
Joshua 10:13b-14
Women tend to think they have blown it when they marry the wrong man.
I used to think that…until I read stories like this one. I saw that covenant keeping would move the heart of my God to do incredible things in my home. My husband didn’t read his Bible, go to church, or spiritually lead our children. God has blown his mind through my walk with God.
My husband has seen God move in ways not many people on the planet see. He watched Him feed his children when he couldn’t provide. God paid off his car when we needed to sell it for money. He watched Him get us out of debt in a miraculous way through my obedience. At one point, he walked into the house knowing we couldn’t afford groceries. There was a literal feast set before him. He asked where all the food came from. I told him the story and he said, “Are you writing this stuff down?”
I did. It’s in a book called, “The Ordinary Road.”
God would do this for any woman who would shut their mouths and let their God do the talking. God has not changed. He would fight for us. However, He won’t if we decide to fight our own battles our own way.
My theology is very simple. Either God is or God ain’t. Either He is everything the Bible says He is, or we are on our own. What is the point of living if we never see God move?
Is it scary to live this way? Yes, it is.
Tell me one story in the Bible of God doing something awesome that didn’t involve risk. Most people never see God do anything because they won’t take the first step. He made a promise.
I will give you every place where you set your foot…
Joshua 1:3
What a God and what a promise. Do not live an explainable life. Launch out and see (and let your husband, children, friends, co-workers and enemies see) what God will do!
